I caught a glimpse of me today. There she was in mirror. Fresh face, no make up, hair all tossled. I saw her... was that a smile that crossed her lips. Perhaps a twinkle in those dark pools of soul searchers.  Moments of existence. Moments of peace. moments of just being. No transient thoughts of despair or demise. The world is not out to get her today. She is not out to get the world. Existing within the realm of letting it be.  Accepting the wrinkle in time for what it is. A fleeting moment that will be here and gone, vanishing though the open door that fate as eluded to time and time again. Deja Vu... this moment will come around again, will she recognise it? Will she accept, relish and revel in it's remarkable continuation of captivity in the looking glass?  Perhaps not. Perhaps the treasure of this moment will be lost to the hustle of her revengeful ego... the Perpetua (jealous one). An exorcism is in order. Cleaning salt, a white candle, a charm of silver and a binding spell.  These things have worked for brief interludes. What will it take to cast Perpetuaout for good?  Getting on of sorts is needed. Moving forward. Gratifying the pleasure of living in the moment. I no longer wish to live looking forward or backward but live suspended in the moment of now. Enjoy today and her gifts. When I sleep, I will awake a new. Yesterday never existed, tomorrow has not been born. It is today that I celebrate.  When Perteptua creeps in I will sweep her out. Spray her with the tears of joy. Yes, she will not be able to stand the joy.  Sorrow has been her manna.... no longer will I hoard the sorrow.  Starve her... with hold from her the sustenance of her survival. No more will she eat at my table.... the offering I will make will not satisfy her and she will have no choice but to flee.  I will thrive... and the moments of time will be rapturous, for there in the looking glass I will recognise the true self. No shadows will be looming,distorting the view.  I caught a glimpse of me today.... I invited her stay.

Hello self. How are you holding up these days?

Well I'd kill for a cigarette and piece of bread.

A cigarette?

Yes, it's been a few days since I have had a cigarette.

Really, why have you decided to quit? 

The 7 dollars a pack, that's the first incentive. But the smell and the way it makes me feel. My clothes and hair reek. I open my car door and the stench of stale smoke hits you in the face. I don't like it.  Oh, but to inhale a deep drag off a menthol would be so good. Hitting the pack against my open palm. Tearing the cellophane off the box and ripping the foil, there the cylindrical roll of finely cut tobacco cured for smoking waits.  Drawing the thin white puff from the pack and bringing it to my lips. The roll of a thumb and the wheel on the lighter has set the flint in motion. Strike. I have fire. Holding the flame to the end, a deep inhale, we have ignition. Hold for a second or two and slowly let the exhaust find it's way through my nostrils. Mmmmm, eyes are closed. The hand rises again to the mouth, feeding the insatiable appetite for consumption of  Nicotiana.

Sounds like you may give in. 

I may, but not tonight.

Tell me self, what is with the bread.

Yes the bread. It's a carb you see. And I am giving up the carbs in order to shock my body into jump starting my metabolism.

Why?

Because I love to self torture... No really There are not many things in this life I can control. But my weight is one. I'm taking a stand I suppose. It's me against the bread. The soft, warm, buttery bread. It's evil you know?

No, I wasn't aware of the evilness of bread.  

Yes quite evil. It just sits there all innocent looking, on the counter. Your minding your own business when it call to you.

The bread calls to you? What does the bread say?

It says, eat me. You've paid good money for me, the butter and the honey you have there in the cupboard. Just one piece of me. I promise it won't matter. You know honey is good for you. You can even use the "I Can't Believe it's not Butter"   No one will know. You've been good. You had a hard day. Come on... the honey is going to taste so delicious. You know you want to.

Are you going to eat the bead?

I may, but not tonight!!!!   

Can you exceed your expiration date?

I was told once we only have about 25,000. days to live that is about 68.9 years to live.

WHAT!!!!!